January 24, 2018
Phil Normal here, reporting on a day in the life of Downtown Petoskey. As I skate down the south side sidewalk of Mitchell Street to find a story, I see a gentleman walking his dog on the opposite side…oh, well, he was there a second ago. Oh yeah, he’s up again. His dog stood steadfast on the iced bank, panting, to make sure his master was okay.
In front of the library, it’s smooth sailing thanks to their thawed sidewalks from the heated system they installed during their renovations. Across Waukazoo, and here’s a small guy in a tuxedo holding a to-go cup from Roast & Toast.
“Excuse me, are you enjoying our winter blast of ice?”
“Why, I think it’s lovely. Reminds me of home.”
“I’ve never seen you around, and why are you dressed in a tuxedo?”
“Well, actually, this is what I wear all day, every day.”
“Oh, I see. So where do you emanate from?”
“Cape Town in the summer and the Ross Ice Shelf in the winter.”
“Is that near Chicago?”
“Ah, no, it’s south of Pretoria. On the coast.”
“Got it. You mean Jersey.”
“My good man, it’s in South Africa.”
“Wow! You came all the way from South Africa for a cup of coffee? And why do you wear such strange footwear?”
“You don’t have a clue who or what I am do you?”
“I don’t know, a three-foot small person dressed in a tuxedo with funny shoes and strange accent?”
“Right. I’ll go with that.”
“So, how did you end up here?”
“Walked across the ice. With climate change and all, things are changing rapidly.”
“Boy, I’ll say. I saw the sun last week! The snow melted, I put on shorts, walked out the door, and the next thing I know it’s ten degrees. The Weather Channel just goes to a 1950’s late-night test-pattern when the Local on the 8’s comes on. Like, the station just burps trying to describe our weather.”
“Well, with that, I shall leave you and your pen and paper. I need to stop at the Grain Train for some frozen salmon.”
“Sure, hey, I know who you are! You’re that guy from that movie, yeah, yeah, hey glad you’re in town.”
“Ah, no worries…?”
Well that was a great interview with a movie star. Keep your eyes peeled. I heard somebody ten feet tall from Tibet came to town last week. Probably the Dali Lama’s front man. Until next time, this is Phil Normal signing off.